Gods of the New World
by Nadia Blackrose
Summary: Marik's evil council of doom comes up with the perfect plan! Find Kira, then have him kill despicable Yugi. But to do this, they have to join L's investigation team! How will those worlds exist together? Will the plan succeed? Parody,rated T for language


**GODS OF THE NEW WORLD**

_This is a crossover parody involving Marik's Evil council of Doom and some main characters from Death note. It has been written for entertainment purposes only, and no money is made from this. No copyright infringement intended as well. Also, the writing skills of the author cannot be judged from this story, as the main target is the funny dialogues that follow. Let madness begin!_

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><p><strong>Somewhere in Egypt, at the ancient tomb of the Pharaoh, Marik and his gang have gathered for another evil council of doom.<strong>

Marik : Hello you fools! Today we have another evil council of doom and I want your caution. One year has passed and we still haven't figured out how to annihilate Yugi! I want your ideas on this matter.

Zombie Boy: brains!

Marik :Oh yes, I want your brains!

Bakura: Of course you do, since you lack one for yourself.

Marik: Shut up you fluffy girly figure. I'm the boss here and you are my mind slaves, can't do all the thinking by myself!

Weevil: Why don't you ask me in the first place? I'm all ideas.

**Pegasus refreshes his make up by adding some tons of powder on his face, while holding a small mirror on his hands.**

Pegasus: Come on Weevil boy. If you get some good idea I may consider sleeping with you.

Weevil forms an expression of terror and screams.

Weevil: Nooo! It just slipped my mind! I'd better be eaten by insects rather than be fucked to death.

Marik frowns .

Marik: I can't trust a boy with a cockroach's mind.

**Rex Raptor raises his finger up on a brainstorm and forms a sinister smile.**

Rex: Hey, let's ask Bandit Keith! He just returned from his duty!

**Bandit Keith makes his appearance while holding a bag on his back. It's filled with monster cards he stole from kids after he had bullied them or defeated them.**

Bandit Keith : Hello folks, I have no interest in making a discussion. Let's just watch some program. I 've heard there's going to be some nice porn in Sakura TV after midnight.

Bakura: He's tired. Let's give him some time. Maybe porn will inspire him.

Marik: Hope it's going to be fun. I love comedy ones.

**Bandit Keith sits on the couch, grabs the remote control and opens the TV to Sakura TV channel. Instead of porn, there's an urgent news broadcast.**

''And now the latest news. The number of victims by Kira has increased to 37 percent so far. All criminals have peed their pants, and at last all the world is safe at the hands of this adorable criminal. Hooray Kira!'' the presenter said before getting struck by heart attack.

**Bandit Keith and the others drop their jaws on the floor.**

Bandit Keith: This Kira badass is amazing,, wish I...

**Bandit Keith drops, too, from heart attack. The council begins to lose temper.**

Marik : Oh shit! He was targeted by this insane motherfucker!

Bakura: And he only stole some useless cards. Imagine what would happen to us if he found out our achievements.

**However, Marik is not disheartened. Instead, he rubs both his hands and laughs viciously.**

Marik : I just got the perfect idea! The ultimate plan to Yugi's downfall! Let's find this Kira and become allies! We can have him kill Yugi!

Bakura: Very nice. And how are we supposed to do it? He's an asshole who kills from a distance.

Weevil: Yeah, and we don't know his methods! This is too risky.

Marik : Exactly what we want, someone of our own kind! I think I begin to fall for this idea.

Bakura; You're a reckless idiot. Kira's killing criminals. If he finds out what we are, he will kill us, too.

Marik : Ha ha ha, Bakura acts all girly all of a sudden. Say Bakura, are you scared of another criminal like him?

Bakura: Maybe yes, he seems to have powers beyond our skills. I'm gonna need some toilet paper along.

Marik : Let's sum up: First, we have to find a way to contact Kira, ask him to kill Yugi, dispose of him and get possession of his murdering weapon! This way, we will become invisible and the world will be ours to hold!

Rex: There is someone after Kira, the great detective L. He is rumored to be searching for people to cooperate with him. It's also the first time he may reveal his face. If we join his team, then we will get to Kira.

**Marik at first gets excited, then reconsiders and has some doubts about that.**

Marik: But he wil kill us, you fools! If Kira learns we are on L's side then we are all doomed.

Bakura: It's worth the try, if you still want to be brave and act like a man. We get to know L, learn the people he suspects and bring them here. Besides that, we're not powerless.

Marik cheers up and shows off his Millennium Rod that shines marvelously, just like Odion's bald head.

Marik: And don't forget, I have the super duper powerful extraordinary Milenium Rod. We can control both L's and Kira's mind the way we want!

Bakura: Unless their real name is Steven. L and Kira is an odd name to be for real.

Marik: Doesn't matter. I shall contact L:

**Marik grabs the Millennium Wireless Phone which automatically calls everyone's number you have in your mind and orders it to call L.**

**L picks up the phone.**

L: Hello, it's L.

Marik : Yes, detective L. We want to join your team and find out this Kira shit.

**L puts his finger on his mouth full of curiosity.**

L: How did you find out my private number?

Marik is speechless, then Pegasus saves the day.

Pegasus: Hey, aren't you accompanied by an old man?

L : Yes. And now I want you to tell me how you got access to this classified information.

**He then thought from the inside:**

I doubt Watari got Alzheimer and divulged things around the globe.

Pegasus: It's simple. There's always an old man behind every weird guy. There's also the chance we used to exchange kids once upon a time. Or we've been classmates.

L: We won't make something out of this. Watari needs to get retired or I'll be in danger. he thought inside again, then kept on talking on the phone:

Now, concerning your cooperation with me on the Kira case, is there any specific reason behind this? Please, unveil me your motivation.

Marik : Yes, he killed my favorite hero, Jean Al-jean who only stole some bread. And without Les Miserables I am very miserable! I want to fuck this man!

L: Suspicious. You may be Kira. Four percent chance.

Marik : No I am not. Let's have some appointment to prove you that. I'll also have my men along.

L is persuaded by Marik's stable voice.

L: Hmm, yes, you may not be. Kira's actions prove that he's smarter than all of you together. And from what I can see you look harmless, though I don't like your faces. There's a forty percent chance that you are criminals, too.

Bakura: We are not, you jackass. We may cheat on the card games but never killed anyone. And our friend Bandit Keith just bullied some kids and got struck by Kira. Keith did nothing to those brats.

Marik : Just dragged them to the shadow realm.

L: Shadow Realm?

Bakura: Yeah. It's another dimension where people are sent when losing to a shadow game. It's full of darkness and looks scary until you get used to it. Personally, I get bored cos there's nothing there.

L : Are you trying to tell me that such a place exists?

**Marik gets terrified by the thought that L might discover their true goals. Fucking Bakura said too much, so he takes the initiative and interferes in the conversation. **

Marik : it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!

**L on the other line is heard screaming like a maniac.**

Marik : See, we got him freaked out. Perhaps we won't find Kira this way. This guy's an ignorant stupid.

L : I can still hear you.

Bakura: L, are you still there?

**Zombie boy begins jumping constantly like a kid on trampoline when takes notice of a hidden camera and points at it.**

Zombie boy: Brains! Brains Brains Brains Brains!

L : Yes, and I can see all of you.

Marik : How? Explain yourself Inspector Gadget.

L: From the moment you called me, I got track of your location and switched on the cameras. I think I mentioned it before when I said that you look like criminals, but it seems you ignored my words. Anyway, if you want to meet me, you have to follow my instructions.

First, you will stay where you are and wait for the arrival of two choppers. You are quite the gang, so you''ll split into two groups and board them separately . Afterwards, you will land on the roof of a Japanese hotel. Once you get there, you get to know the number of the room where I'll be.

Furthermore, the first group is to arrive half an hour earlier than the second.

Marik : What then? Are we going to see your face?

L: Since we're all putting our lives on the line, I guess it's safe. Otherwise, in case something happens to me everyone will learn that you are Kira, and the real one is going to kill you before you get arrested. That's all for now.

**( End of call)**

Bakura: That's brats is clever. He's the sure way to find Kira.

Pegasus: And he must be very rich and genius like my sweet Kaiba boy! I think I'm gonna fall in love with this L!

Marik: And he threatened our lives just a second ago. Fucking idiot.

Zombie boy: Brains!

Weevil: Yes, this man has some delicious brains zombie boy.

XxxxxxX

**Finally, the two groups arrive at Japan and be informed about the room where L is. To their distress, the room is locked so Bakura uses his stealing skills to unlock the door.**

Marik: Stupid guy, now he'll understand that we are criminals.

Bakura: I doubt he gives a shit about it. Seems like he's playing foul games, too.

Weevil: Where the hell is he?

Rex: He may have gotten stuck in the toilet!

Marik: Oh yeah. Judging from the sweets all over the place, he surely has to spend quite the time there.

Pegasus: Or he may need an insulin injection in his cutie ass! Wow, I 'm gonna play the nurse if necessary.

**L appears before them. Everyone's in shock. No one expected the world's greatest detective to be like a barefoot, hunched and drug-addicted zombie.**

Marik: Hey, this guy looks like an emo.

Bakura: Reminds me of my creepy cards.

Zombie boy 's mouth went wide open from admiration.

Zombie Boy: Braaaaiaiaiaiaiaiaiannnnnssss!

Marik : We should better keep Odion out of this. He'll get mad at you if you prefer this guy… Well, he seems more appropriate for you actually..

**L hasn't uttered a single word yet. He just rubs one foot with the other.**

Weevil: He must have been bitten by a mosquito.

**Weevil giggled and rubbed both his hands in a vicious laugh.**

**Finally L opened his mouth.**

L: I'm L, better call me Ryuzaki.

Marik : Hi, Zombie Boy number two. I'm Marik Ishtar.

Bakura: Just call me Bakura.

Weevil: Weevil Underwood, your annoying bug at your service.

Rex: Rex Raptor, the dinosaur master. I'm also in good terms with primitives like you.

Zombie boy: Brains!

Marik: This is Zombie Boy number one, actually he has no name.

**After hearing their names, L points his finger to Marik, Weevil and Rex as if holding a pistol and starts shouting BANG BANG. From this moment, they get assured that L is a fucking crazy young man who escaped from a psychological clinic.**

L: Kudos to Bakura and zombie boy. If I was Kira, the rest of you would be dead by now. You'd better avoid revealing your true names.

**Bakura stares at Marik and acts all childish.**

Bakura: See who's smarter now, Marik. Eat my dust!

Marik: Shut up, you bastard. We've come to aid L in his investigation. Let's shake some hands to play the good guys!

L: No handshakes , please. I don't know what you may have touched before.

Bakura: It's fine with me. I hate handshakes with monkeys who don't know how to use toilet paper.

L : And now tell me the real reason you want to catch Kira. Your faces are suspicious enough.

I have to spend some time with each one of you to find out if you are Kira. And I ignore the fact that you unlocked the door, which means you are tricky guys. So, let's proceed to the next test.

Marik: We'll spend some time in private?

L : Yeah, exactly. I think I'm clear enough and understandable.

Bakura: What if you are a pervert? You might rape us.

L: Am I... a pervert? No, I'm only said to be a scopophilic person. It's the camera's, you know.

Pegasus: Oh, this one's a lovely Peeping Tom like me! I think I'm gonna fall for you in no time! I'm all yours sweetheart!

Marik: Silence, guys, remember we've got our secret weapon. Fear not Quasimodo boy.

L: It's alright. You're going to have a foot massage by my hands. This way, you will reveal to me everything you have done. If you endure the pain, I'm going to ascertain that you're not Kira, so you'll be free to cooperate with me regardless to whether you are criminals or not. You know, dirty guys may come in handy. Or you may be the perfect lure to bait Kira.

**Zombie boy removes one shoe and green gas omits from his legs.**

Zombie Boy: BRAINNNS!

**Marik loses temper and begins to panic.**

Marik: No! We're all going to die here! Fuck you L. Say, do you admit that you get horny by the sight of bare feet?

**L rubs his head.**

L : Haven't thought of that. Maybe you're right. This zombie boy has interesting toes.

Marik: Full of dirt. Is your nose dead or something?

Bakura: Sure. Judging from his eyes, he seems like the cocaine type .

L: No, I'm just insomniac. Zombie boy may know that.

Zombie Boy: Braiiiins!

L: He must be smart. Ok now, I will take him for the test. The rest of you wait here.

**L takes zombie boy in the other room and they close the door. After a while, screams of pain are heard from zombie boy, who even managed to utter something different rather than ''brains'', though not distinguishable. That L guy must have been pretty tough, the others assumed, and thought for a minute that maybe they had enough time to leave the place.**

Marik: Guys, I think we should leave now or else we'll be in great trouble.

Pegasus: No way! I love the pain! You can go wherever you like, but I will stay to enjoy my precious L! Pals, I think I'm in love with this young boy, and we'll make the perfect couple together! Don't you think?

Bakura: There's no getting out from this, you assholes. If we walk away now, we will be suspected by him and we'll be marked as Kira. We have to stay and endure this.

Pegasus: I can't wait to have my little toes tickled by him! Oh it's so wonderful to have that splendid sensation. Let me be the next, and I'll make him not want to massage anyone else after me!

Marik: Have it your way. You'll be next, then.

Pegasus: Hoorayyyy! Ooooh dear L boy, uncle Peg is comiiiiiiing!

**End of 1****st**** part**

_That was the first part of this parody, stay tuned and more will come!_


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